Hiring is Dating. So Losing Your Job is...
Two weeks ago, the night before LA locked down again, on the patio of a beach cafe, I clinked glasses with my dear friend, A and proclaimed:
"Screw 'em."
This was directed at her new company who, that afternoon, after less than a month in a new role, had let her go over Zoom. As she listed red flag after crimson, after maroon, it became clear this company had not only been a bad fit, it was actually toxic as hell. 'Good riddance,' we exclaimed. 'There are plenty of fish in the sea,' we resolved.
Then two weeks of lockdown went by.
"Hiring is dating. Management is parenting."
My friend J, who's run talent for many innovative companies said that to me and at once I understood why all the relationship metaphors I use with my clients resonate so much.
Hiring is an exercise in attraction where trust is built and cultivated into a long term relationship or lost, leaving you insecure, fearful and unclear on your worth and sometimes afraid to put yourself out there again. Sound familiar?
That's where A was this Saturday when she called me to ask:
"What story do I tell people about my firing?"
Like with any unexpected ending, be it a job or relationship, we humans need to search for meaning and closure. As with a break up, you are suddenly left alone to your own devices, unable to confer with the party who ended it. It's heart breaking.
But that night, it was also late. I had had a busy, exhausting day so I told her I was just going to give her the answer instead of coaching her to find her own. Easiest for me and hopefully expedient for her.
"What resonated for me was that you were the first remote hire of a tight knit 80 person company of folks who had been working together for years. They painted a story of growth and success, then on day one, revealed they were going bankrupt and expected you to 180 their sales in less than a month. Despite early wins, trust was lost when you got the flu and had to be out of the office in your second week."
This is a solid answer for a job interview, but not what A was looking for. As she talked out what her parents might say or how new employers might react, she ended up reflecting...
"You know how they say the universe is working for you?"
Of course, I nodded. (Forgive us, we're from LA 🧘🏽♀️✨🔮)
"It just feels like this was a way to understand that this job wasn't what I was supposed to be doing, you know?"
Boom. I thought. "Girl. What if that's your story?"
A brightened a bit.
Sure, she can use the one I pitched externally. But this deeper, internal story was the first step to healing. Whether a breakup or a firing, closure and healing only come from time, reflection and iteration on your story. What she was doing was choosing to believe the story that benefited her most. And what we choose to believe, we will find evidence for.
I hope, for anyone dealing with a job loss, you find the right story for you.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. And you will learn to love again. It just takes time. ❤️