Life Update: I Moved In With My Boyfriend And Of Course, I’ve Got a Leadership Lesson To Impart About It
Last month, my boyfriend, Ben and I moved in together.
In a way, it happened casually as I’ve just phrased it.
He brought it up, I agreed and then, after another discussion or two, he had a couple of drawers in my dresser and I got a new dog.
Bailey - the new dog/a teddy bear come to life.
Don’t get me wrong. We are really enjoying it so far. Someone once described moving in with their then-boyfriend “like having a slumber party with your best friend every night.” At the time, this seemed exaggerated. Now, I get it. Yes, I’m now 100% that b*tch.
Ben and I in my hometown, DC, last month.
The most surprising thing *is* how natural it feels. Zero drama. No huge adjustments or growing pains yet, just a natural progression into a more mature version of couplehood.
And no, I’m not about to give anyone relationship advice but I’ve got a decent inkling that part of why things have progressed so smoothly since he and I met (apart from Ben being a kind, warm, solid, dependable, funny and sexy guy) is that I spent a lot of time working on my relationship skills while a single person.
For me, this meant finally changing my mindset to allow an actual partner into the picture. To begin to believe that being with someone great was better than being alone and to really believe that someone great was actually out there, and to know exactly what that meant for me (answer: “someone who brought solutions” was high on the list. For someone as resourceful and independent as me, this was a tough find). And to practice all the skills you need to not only get into a relationship, but stay in one: cutting the other person slack, fighting fair, taking care of one another, thinking as a unit and not a free agent.
Because it’s my blog, of course this has me thinking about how this relates to leadership. Particularly, the transition from individual contributor (lone wolf status) to an organizationally minded leader who can align their own agenda with that of the greater org. Many times, I’ve related it to transitioning from being a kid to being a parent but I also think being a single entity melding into a larger whole - in this case, a bona fide, mature couple - is also apt.
The best leaders you know didn’t just show up being awesome. In fact, you probably know a LOT of managers (and even had some) who got the promotion but didn’t have the skills to lead. They had the trappings - the title, headcount, were in the right meetings, maybe even the salary - but were not only ineffective but also stressed out.
The fact is, when we see great couples or good leaders, it’s like we don’t know what we don’t know. It’s like an iceberg where we only see the tip: scope, impact, buy in, salary etc. and none of what lies beneath: the internal work to be effective from day one.
This is good news. It gives those of us who weren’t necessarily born great or have it thrust upon us, and have to actually WORK to achieve it a little hope that with the right tools, guides, and maybe a bit of structure we can and will get there.
Like this post? I keep the best tips about how to effectively brand yourself as a leader by finding your vision, telling your story and influencing the powers that be as well as exclusive offers for my email subscribers.
Join the club here.