What Getting Fired By Wanda Sykes Taught Me About My Value at Work

I didn't move to LA to write for TV. Like many people I was too freaked to do the thing I actually wanted to do so I did the thing close to the thing I wanted to do.

In my defense, when I chose to take a producing gig on FOX's The Wanda Sykes Show in 2008, it was a tentpole in TV history: Wanda was the only queer woman of color to host late night. Who cared that I wasn't developing my writing skills? I was making history, baby!

I'd actually submitted for staff writer but they said what they really needed was a field producer with a late night background. This was well before streaming channels had 3 late night hosts so I, fresh off the red hot Colbert Report was a freakin' white whale but of course I was also a 26 year old dummy who didn't know the value of all that. They told me the job was a stepping stone to writing for the show and I, ever the practical cat took the promotion, raise, & rationalized that I was pretty good at all the scheduling, wrangling, planning & executing good producers were known for, even though I didn't like doing most of those things at all.

If you're wondering why you never heard of The Wanda Sykes Show, you would be forgiven: it lasted one season, did not end up taking a political tone, was over budget & let go most of its staff (including me) within its first few weeks of airing.

The weeks that followed were a dark time for me. I'd never had anything end not on my own terms. I still remember making light of it that night, drinking with a few friends on the Sunset Strip, of course feeling worthless & dejected at my decision to move for a job I'd never wanted & was apparently, somehow not equipped to do.

Looking at it more than a decade later I had to ask:

Was it worth persisting in a role where I knew my days would be made up of doing things I was decent at but didn't like for a promise by people I didn't know at all that I'd get the job I wanted eventually?
I keep hearing this type of thing happening with so many other women, even into our mid careers. What can we do to stop the cycle?
Let’s dive in…

I took this photo in my office at Wanda — it was my first office. I never got a chance to decorate. I never decorated another office until I was 2 years into a job…

HOW DO WE END UP HERE

We didn't know what we know now

My 26 year old self can be forgiven. Another thing she wasn't yet known for was her wisdom because she hadn't had enough raw experience or even enough experience learning to LEARN from experience.

Contrary to what experts who want to preserve their status say, expertise is not measured by reading all the books, earning all the degrees. It comes from experience & practice (it doesn't even have to be 10,000 hours - that's for Serena Williams, not coding or contract negotiation, or building communities).

When we were younger we straight didn't have enough time & experience to have the skills we have now.

Not for nothing, the dynamic we were used to in school & home (& as women in general) is generally a command & control, top down dynamic where an authority figure basically told us what the standards were to "succeed" & then we followed their metrics. Rare is the parent or teacher who asked 'what do you want?' AND ACCEPTED THE ANSWER. This carried well into my own work life.

We don't know we have a choice

Because it would be very inconvenient for the people who want us to live by their rules if we all of a sudden realized that rules are just made up by the people in power -- making your own rules isn't widely advertised or supported. This realization arrives around high school & college & leads to a lot of raged out social studies papers.

When we grow up we see we have a choice to define our value for ourselves & in that, there is huge power. Though 26 year old me could pitch a Jezebel fueled fit against the MAN, I now see that often:

I baited the hook then resented it when it dragged me along.

I'm not altogether perfect at "earning my worth" & "standing in my power" every second of the day, but I learned over time (and hopefully in some way, thanks to that first LA job) that I'm the only one I can control.

We undervalue our skills

My friend is a partner at a Venture fund - smart lady: Harvard, Stanford. She also does all the contracts for the fund but in her words "it's really not fun." If she could, she wouldn't do it anymore.

But how did we get here? Who told her other partners she was good at that skill? And who agreed to do it when they knew they hated doing it? Or didn't realize how insanely valuable this skill was & charge accordingly?

Swear to God this is not about blaminess. This is about not knowing how awesome you are & then get bummed when others take your awesomeness for granted. It happens to all of us, even those with the best skills, the greatest education & the smarts to know how to advocate for ourselves.

3 STEPS TO DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT

Know what you're known for

Write out a list of skills & strengths you are rock solid in.

If you don't know, ask 5 colleagues, mentors, friends. I have my clients do this and it affirms & cements what they know about themselves & there's a lot of nice compliments in there so you get something of a good buzz.

2. Know what you WANT to be known for

Now, sober up! Look at that list again without ego.

How many of those skills do you actually like to do? Like actually? Those are the skills you should be emphasizing from now on.

Which of those things do you not like to do but are so high value (contract vetting, por ejemplo) you'd do them anyway?
For those skills you don't like, name your price.

That's the amount people have to pay you to do that thing you don't like to do. Guilty about charging more for that? Um, hello — are you not saving them an in house counsel's salary?

Have some skills you want to be known for but haven't yet developed? Add those.

Don't worry. You don't need a game plan to become an expert in those areas yet. Just knowing what you intend to learn in the future will do wonders for how you orient yourself in the future.

3. Emphasize what you want to be known for & don't take any guff from anyone

A million things happen in any moment, what you choose to emphasize is the story you're telling. When know which pieces of your story you're emphasizing & why, you hold all the power.

Remember: no one has to know anything you don't tell them.
What if I have a reputation?

Of course, other people will also tell your story for you & if something you used to do comes up you just tell say something professional, definitive & future focused like "While I'm well versed in [insert skill here: ex: "baboon wrangling"] my business/career is pivoting away from that space. To be honest though, from what you tell me about this position, my time is far better used ["teaching zebras the tango"]. BOOM!

This works for the position you're in now, too.

That's what reviews & 1:1s are for. To start communicating what you want to do more of & what you want to let go of. With the help of a great manager, this is possible.

As for me, I'm gonna spin my story in a way that serves me. Wanda was not a perfect experience, but it got me to LA. It also led to a come to Jesus that moved me to pursue writing & earned me my first staff writer role at NBC's Community.

What's the number one thing you WISH you didn't have to do at work? What would you replace it with?