How to Get Critical Info From Stakeholders Without Being a Nudge

“How do you get critical information from key stakeholders without coming off like a nosy weirdo?”

This is the question my client N wondered as we jumped on last week's call. She's heading up a new team with new initiatives in an international work environment where cultural differences are the norm.

By her telling, her American co-workers put things bluntly, and so do the Russian folks, much to the chagrin of the British employees who are too polite or guarded to say anything (but the discomfort is apparent, apparently). It's a gray communication zone, which can be a challenge when trying to build rapport and get up to speed with anyone of a different nationality, gender identification, race, religion, sexual orientation, astrological sign, Meyers Briggs type, blood type, you get it... 😉

The thing we humans do have in common is:

No one wants to feel like they're being interrogated or part of an agenda.

So these early conversations are critical, especially if your agenda is figuring out their agenda. (It's less creepy than it sounds.)

Assess a Situation

Often, the first step in figuring out the right path forward, especially if you're new to a team, initiative, department, or community, is to assess a situation.

You know how politicians will go on a listening tour or hold a town hall? That's the national politics equivalent of sussing out office politics. 

Maybe you're the Mayor of your organization. Listen to your constituents/internal stakeholders.

By understanding their agenda, you have a better opportunity to discover their goals and align, always seeking a win-win.

So back to the question: How to ask a direct question without prying?

An option I point my clients to is: Ask for a story.

Ask For A Story

For example, you've been tasked with turning around a low-performing team, but you need to understand what's going on with its members. They may be sensitive to your arrival and know where they stand in the pecking order.

So, you might be curious about their experience with a certain project. Ask them to tell you that story.

And when they talk, listen for:

• Key players

• Hidden beliefs

• An unspoken process

• How the events are portrayed

Ask for another story, talk to the rest of the team members, and ask them to tell you their version of the story. 

Then, notice the trends.

In this way, you get to see the rich and diverse way your stakeholders see things, what makes them tick, and what they find important.

Humans are story troves. Within each lie, information gems. Let's excavate. 💎