Rapport Building 101: A stupid easy way to build rapport
Can you make someone your BFF in 3 minutes flat?
Me neither. I'm not a talk show host.
Turns out, though - there are a few hacks to build immediate rapport. This can be helpful when networking, interviewing or interfacing with leadership.
Why Rapport Matters
Ever notice how people who act and talk alike seem to hit it off? It's a shorthand -- people like and trust those they see as peers. The more someone believes you are the same as them, the easier it is for them to trust you on an unconscious level.
Then there's the opposite. Someone thinking you're too different from them before you've even opened your mouth. That can keep you from opportunities. Unconscious bias is real and it sucks. It's not your job to fix theirs.
In other instances, when people miscommunicate, it often stems from confusion around content or intent. The places where you and they don't (think) you see eye to eye. Getting someone to your side is tough if they don't understand you.
A Quick Way to Connect
There's an easy way to show the recruiter, boss or sponsor you seek to influence that you see and hear them.
In my world they call it 'Matching & Mirroring.'
Mirroring: ‘reflecting’ another person's behavior or language back to them. With respect and discretion, mirroring creates a positive vibe and responsiveness.
Matching: same thing with time lag. For example, your seated boss uncrosses his legs and leans in. You could wait a few seconds, then do the same.
Body language
Notice when you're down, your shoulders will slump. When you're feeling yourself, you'll be upright, broad-shouldered, and bright-eyed.
Body language often reflects our unconscious attitudes. When you mirror and match a person’s body posture, you're getting into their experience.
Does the person you're meeting have her legs or arms crossed? Is he leaning in a particular direction? Do they move quickly or deliberately? Whatever it is, wait for 4-5 seconds, then match that cadence & motion.
Language language
Has this ever happened? You disagree or miscommunicate only to realize you'd been saying the same thing all along.
Avoid that by matching language. If a senior leader stresses how important "high-impact deliverables" are, “ use that term instead of your own.
Does the recruiter think the right person for the job needs to be 'dynamic?' Throw the term into a story about your work. Better yet, ask them more about what dynamic means to them... then tell them a story about being dynamic.
'Speaking the same language’ keeps you both on the same page
Matching and mirroring encourage you to really notice the person you're connecting with. Building rapport is a happy side effect.